translation of the title: When it happens, you know...
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
~ Neil Gaiman, The Sandman
...and then you start hating it. Hating for letting that one stupid person mean so much more. You cry your eyes out, days and nights, nights and days. Life passes by. Some friends stay by your side, still listening everything beginning with "He's stupid. He tore me up and never bothered to see. But I just can't let this one thing pass that of all I chose him and for once, he chose me." Some friends just vanish away gradually. And then comes someone, as hurt as you, as broken as you, as soul-hurt as you. You just sit together. Everyday. Talking the same things in loop. Ice melts. The distance closes on it. You let life unveil. You let time tell you a story. And suddenly somethings are just set to wither in past. Suddenly you are not alone anymore. And one fine day you realize a part of you, the one you thought you froze for life, beats again. Even does the cliche 'skip a beat' once in a while when he looks right into your eyes, taking down the walls you built around you, freezing you one second and melting you the other. It was stupid. Again. He tilted his head to the side, blinked his eyes thrice and smiled. Or maybe it was a string of stupid cute moments. A shared ice cream in a misty rainy evening, him cupping your hands in his when you were shivering in cold, the shuffling of leaves beneath your feet while you walked with him in silence one autumn morning, that stupid summer you spent emptying your water bottle all over him. And off and on you now wink at yourself in the mirror and just smile. You catch yourself, question yourself and even though each neuron of you answers the same, his name, you let it pass, let it fly. Not giving it the needful glance that no love is alike for no person is the same. You love the way the other has to be loved. The way they have it coming for them. If you are sincere in what you feel, it is as true and as real as it can be. No comparisons. Yes, you trusted a stupid someone with your life and they were just too proud to walk away shattering you in a million pieces. You were sure you won't ever find them all to put back together again. What you overlooked or were too stubborn to look at was this one guy who gathered the broken you and kept safe. Who replaced the shattered, hurt heart with his own beating in you. As a part of him taking care of you from within you. A puzzled you woke up each morning trying to convince yourself that you are now flying in your dreams instead of the usual free fall. That it wasn't the gleam of hurt or fury in your eyes anymore but the sparkle of love. While you were busy building that armor again, you made an exception just then. You let him in. While you nursed a ripped-apart you, he was there all along, holding you through it. And while every night you slept cursing love, you were back in it.
© 2012 Neha Choudhry
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
~ Neil Gaiman, The Sandman
...and then you start hating it. Hating for letting that one stupid person mean so much more. You cry your eyes out, days and nights, nights and days. Life passes by. Some friends stay by your side, still listening everything beginning with "He's stupid. He tore me up and never bothered to see. But I just can't let this one thing pass that of all I chose him and for once, he chose me." Some friends just vanish away gradually. And then comes someone, as hurt as you, as broken as you, as soul-hurt as you. You just sit together. Everyday. Talking the same things in loop. Ice melts. The distance closes on it. You let life unveil. You let time tell you a story. And suddenly somethings are just set to wither in past. Suddenly you are not alone anymore. And one fine day you realize a part of you, the one you thought you froze for life, beats again. Even does the cliche 'skip a beat' once in a while when he looks right into your eyes, taking down the walls you built around you, freezing you one second and melting you the other. It was stupid. Again. He tilted his head to the side, blinked his eyes thrice and smiled. Or maybe it was a string of stupid cute moments. A shared ice cream in a misty rainy evening, him cupping your hands in his when you were shivering in cold, the shuffling of leaves beneath your feet while you walked with him in silence one autumn morning, that stupid summer you spent emptying your water bottle all over him. And off and on you now wink at yourself in the mirror and just smile. You catch yourself, question yourself and even though each neuron of you answers the same, his name, you let it pass, let it fly. Not giving it the needful glance that no love is alike for no person is the same. You love the way the other has to be loved. The way they have it coming for them. If you are sincere in what you feel, it is as true and as real as it can be. No comparisons. Yes, you trusted a stupid someone with your life and they were just too proud to walk away shattering you in a million pieces. You were sure you won't ever find them all to put back together again. What you overlooked or were too stubborn to look at was this one guy who gathered the broken you and kept safe. Who replaced the shattered, hurt heart with his own beating in you. As a part of him taking care of you from within you. A puzzled you woke up each morning trying to convince yourself that you are now flying in your dreams instead of the usual free fall. That it wasn't the gleam of hurt or fury in your eyes anymore but the sparkle of love. While you were busy building that armor again, you made an exception just then. You let him in. While you nursed a ripped-apart you, he was there all along, holding you through it. And while every night you slept cursing love, you were back in it.
© 2012 Neha Choudhry
7 comments:
Blessed with extraordinary skill! How proud am I of you. Could relate to everything :) Love much :*
You are writing very well.
Here is a delicate balance between expression , emotion and articulation.
It is near perfect.
This is quite beautiful! You are amazing at translating emotions into words. You should publish this stuff!!
Greeshma, Thank u :)
Meeta Ma'am, how I love you! Thank u. Coming from u, this means a lot.
Ramiz, thank u hai ladke! :) Publisher la de :P
terrific writings. lol!! *amazed* *impressed*
Again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc
U're too kind Rajat :)
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