Thursday, October 4, 2012

Not a Long Time Ago, Not in a Galaxy Far Far Away

Her face lit up. As if something just passed through her. As if something just jolted back life in her. Her eyes, which were as dim as that lonesome lamp breathing its last in the attic of her heart, fluttered open. I couldn't help but notice how she blinked twice, as if signaling something, how her Belgian chocolate eyes melted in a fraction of microseconds and sparkled in a way that a billion lifetimes would fall short for me to phrase it. My stare bothered her, or so I thought. I let my eyes wander while my heart had it's gaze fixed on her. Her lips moved, my heart stopped playing its song. She was about to say something or was it just me waiting how, after all these years, my name in her voice would sound? With bated breath, I waited. Her otherwise glossy lips lay sheen-less today, pressed together as if controlling a sigh. She was calm but I could tell the building torment, the forced-lull before she rained.

While a hopeful me was looking for a hint of a smile, that quiver sent shivers down my spine. She was trying too hard, as always, to show she didn't care but as each second gave way to the next, she shattered. And that very moment I knew it wasn't me all this time, the one she was watching. Is it him again, I thought to myself? Yet again, I was choking. As the realization of my presence dawned upon her, she gathered her composure. For a second then, she met me. The kind of meeting that lights something inside you and you can't help but stand there, let it happen. A blink and over. She looked away. A part of me stopped living right about then. And the rest of me dared to turn, soul-clenched.

Clad in white, with a tiara dazzling in her hair, she smiled through her veil. No matter how tantalizing her persona was, she fell short of mesmerizing me today. The scene I had just left haunted me, had me in pieces. The scene I was witnessing failed to beckon me. They say this is the most amazing moment of one's life when you see her looking at you through that veil, matching her father's footsteps when she walks down that aisle to you. My bride had just arrived. My heart, captivated in moments, seemed paralyzed. What I never saw in the greens, the browns had it all this time. What I forever searched in smiles, that tear, that quiver answered it all. As I took a step forward, I could see the veiled greens overjoyed while behind me, she sighed and I could hear her muffled cry. I could give her the world back then, she knew. I could do the same today, she had no clue. The tinkle of her bracelet lingered in the air as she held her hands together so as to hold herself from holding me back today. Gathering all my courage, I hugged the girl in white and imploring, I confessed that I couldn't marry her tonight. With eyes welling and love stirring, I told her how that lost piece of puzzle standing right behind completes me, how she defined my life. I finally knew she reciprocated. In those million 'You're an Idiot' she fired at me and smiled, she confessed her love in her style. Only I was too blind to see it and today, on the wedding night, I know what I need, we need.

I guess I saw a glint of happiness in those green eyes. Perplexed I was, trying to find the right set of words. She put off her veil, hugged me back and whispered "I've known it all this while." Before I could make a move, the veil was set back again. In tears, her eyes met mine. It seemed as if a waterfall of melted chocolate just found home in my heart. My universe she owned the moment, saying her vows, she whispered my name.

Eight years later today, I go back. Yet again. To witness time unravel possibilities, to see eyes confess an eternity, to hear that tinkling bracelet again; Not a Long Time Ago, Not in a Galaxy Far Far Away; to be there, love her, all over again

© 2012 Neha Choudhry

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