Time-turner

I wonder if being assertive ever hurt

for all I know it gave everyone what they thought

or if not that, maybe a chance to give it a try

at least a satisfying feeling to not have to cry

affixing the seal of past

in the future's passport

To not stay up nights

or screw up days

Self-drowning the poor little blood-pumping, life-giver in an ocean of reminiscence

And living with a smile on face when the majority knows it's a pretense.

I wonder if we stopped wanting

would the things still come to us

for as the famous saying goes

the universe conspires so.

But then how will one live

with no dreams, no desires

to have no wish

that one would want to see as reality
before they close their eyes forever,

to have no hand to hold

while the lips slowly speak of a life gone by

as the memories twirl inside,

as tears glide
as life pens down the final words
to the final chapter

and ends the script with a period.

I wonder how to feel

having known this awhile now

that I played my own destiny

Erasing away the 'Never', that preceded 'Meant to be'.

And then I grab a jacket

hanging in my closet

Fasten up my laces

glance around at few faces

Pull on the hoodie over my head

Play the paused rap

and run...

leaving behind ashes of a love

melting away the pain

forgiving myself for the bad choices

that landed me, at times, in crisis

forgetting everything I never got

and dream on

yet again.

If I stand empty-handed today

with my heart still beating

in sync with my breath

with no second thoughts on adding

a time-turner on my wish list,

I already have fought my fiercest war

I already have breathed life in myself

staring in the eye of death.

© 2012 Neha Choudhry